"Someone Just Make It Stop!"

As of today, my son is now 3 months and 15 days old. For 3 months and 15 days I have frantically tried to find the cure for Colic. I might as well try to find the cure for cancer while I'm at it....

What is Colic? Oh my friend, let me spell it out for you. Colic is the uncontrollable crying in a baby. It's the uncontrollable crying in MY baby. Sure, he coo's and smiles. Every now and then I get lucky and hear a giggle. But brace yourself, don't be fooled. There's a crying jag somewhere in the near future....

Don't read me wrong, I love my son. But there is something about constant screaming that brings out the true beauty in a woman. Sometimes I remind myself of the stereotypical woman you see in the comics all lookin' like fug with nothing on but a pink matted robe, hair curlers, and an "I'm An Early Riser" coffee mug in hand for that special ray of sunshine. It makes me want to chuck a rubber mallet at my bathroom mirror at about 8:30 in the morning.

I can't count how many times I have been asked how I deal with it or how to stop it. Apparently Ms. Optimism hasn't got a clue of what Colic really is. Or better yet, she doesn't have children. I don't have a cure, but I've at least found a few things to keep a piece of my sanity.

• Swings: Better yet, swings with obnoxious sounds and dangling doo-dads. If you use this option make sure to by stock in rechargable batteries. You'll end up spending your retirement on size "C" batteries. It might be worth it.
• Bouncy Seats: Specifically the ones that vibrate. If you're lucky it might lull your tater tot to sleep. Once again, this item is an energy sucker. See above about batteries.
• Gripe Water and Mylicon: Holy water.
  
• "Snuggies": I don't know what they're really called, but I'm talking about those little blanket things with animal heads on them for your kids to form a comfort attachment to. Colin loves his. He snuggles the crap out of it and chews on the giraffe head. It buys me about 15 minutes of quiet and saves me a few gray hairs.
• Singing: Colin loves it when I sing about anything and everything. I sing about the dopiest things. If anyone where to catch me I'm sure I'd have my IQ tested. I got tired of "The Wheels on the Bus" long ago.

Figuring out the quirks in your child isn't easy. At 3 weeks old, I took Colin to my pediatrician looking for answers. She told me he suffered from Acid Reflux and put him on medication to help. Result? I ran straight to my local drugstore and filled that prescription faster than a Jack Rabbit on speed. Within weeks I took him off. Nothing seemed to help. I remember being on a mini vacation with my mother to "get away" and he screamed for 5 hours straight instead. By 10 o'clock that night we both were at our wits end. I could hear my mom quietly praying in the corner to make it stop. Even though I am not a religious person what so ever, it worked. I passed out minutes later so I wouldn't break down crying in relief.

I'm not sure how much this helps an indivudual looking for answers, but everything is worth at least a try when you're too tired to function in society. Just remember how much you love your children and at some point they will grow out of it. My best advice would be to do anything to find a happy place. Stick it out. And of course, find comfort in chocolate during the quiet moments.