What can be better than a tub full of jello? A pool full of pudding!

After my recent epiphany, I decided to wait for the perfect day to have a kiddie pool full of pudding for Kellan to play in (I'm sure in part from my childhood fantasies of playing in a tub full of Jello Jigglers). I knew I had to wait for a day when it was nice enough for Kellan to go outside in a diaper and a day where there was no chance in Hades Steve could come home to the mess that would be the backyard. I've been hiding the pudding packets with anxiety praying he wouldn't catch me before I succeeded my mission. So, this morning my sister spontaneously decided to come up to Michigan to scrap. Perfect! I could sneak in being a bad influence on my niece, Mena, as to add to my itinerary. It was like killing two birds with one stone. Awesome....

Side story: As I am outside filling up the pool my nephew, Jacob, says to me "Aunt Allie, what are you doing!?" I said "Oh just wait Jacob...", excited that he had no idea of what was to come. No sooner did he tell me that I was "weird". I chuckled and told him I was just being silly. I figured he was finished with this convo by this point. Moments later he says to me "I thought you were smart" and walks away. Kids these days...

P.S. I let Jacob drive Kellan's power wheels around the back yard one handed. I think I gave my sister a heart attack.

P.P.S. Steve was pretty upset in the end that I did this without him.

P.P.P.S. He said he was more than happy to allow Kellan to do this, just as long as she didn't get any on him. It's a good thing we did do it while he was at work then...

Sometimes Moms Just Don't Have All The Answers.

I know I promised that I would post pictures from our Canadian boat trip (sorry Lindsay!), but I'm just not in the mood. I am finding myself in a state of emotional confusion that I'm not able to sort out in my head. So, as a rare treat (or total snooze fest) I'm going to write about one of the few people in my life that I keep protected, near and dear to my heart. I need to sort it out.

On Friday evening I found out my great uncle, Phil, had finally past away. He hasn't been doing well these last few years and it's been extremely hard on my family. Friday morning he finally passed. He was my grandmother's brother.

To be honest I was never close with this man. I think I have seen him maybe three times in the last 25 years of my being. I have to admit he came to Christmas this past year and I found him to be a delight. Here is this old, frail man that knows he doesn't have long and he's trying so very hard to leave his mark in our lives. He did.

Aside from grieving over the fact that a man's life was finally finished and his daughters, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter are left behind feeling abandoned, I think there is something more selfish to it. I guess I have always taken the idea of this man just being an extended member of the family for granted. For some reason I never really put two and two together that he is the only sibling of my grandmother, Arlene. Here is this man that I could have asked so many questions and possibly gotten so many answers about the woman that I have immortalized in my mind that passed when I was just four. I know that will be the hardest thing for me at his funeral. At some point I'm going to have to turn my back and walk away, shutting out another connection of a continuously lost family. Why did this epiphany have to come to me 12 hours after he's gone?

I now know that a large part of my grieving is that a chapter of life is gone and has moved on to just be a part of history, the past. I know I'm also feeling sadness on behalf of my Grandfather. I know my uncle was a comfort to him. My Grandma may not be around, but someone close to her still is. Scratch that, was.

My Grandfather has made himself the leader of the pack. All growing up I've never seen him show real emotion, leaders don't crack. For the first time I'm seeing him as lonely. It makes him human. It puts us on the same level. It's hard for me to process.

I don't know much about my grandmother. I think it pains my grandfather to think about her, so I don't ask. I think her children have pushed her in the back of their minds, and it's not because they didn't love her. It's because I don't think any of my father's siblings have a full set of coping skills intact. So, I don't ask.

She's someone that has alway intrigued me for the smallest and most humble reasons. I see her in my father. I can see her in myself. I saw her in my daughter moments after she was born. I have taken her name as my middle. I have taken her middle as my daughter's middle. I wish to keep my last name as hers. I hope to always have something she left behind.

I only have two memories of this woman that I pray I will never forget. One of them was my very first memory. The other was something I now realize isn't a happy one. But those are kept just for me, at least for now. I'll make sure to give Kellan every detail when she's older. That, I promise.


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Now playing: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

"What the Fruck?"

So every child at some point learns a new word and takes a while to pronounce it right. "Night-Night" becomes "Ni-Ni" and "Fishy" becomes "Fitchy". Kellan's best friend Ethan is "Tee-ten". It's a stage we all think is endearing. In actuality, it's due to the child's lack of ability to control their tongue muscles. Whatever, science blah-blah-blah, it's cute. Except when it just doesn't sound appropriate.

When my nephew Jacob was younger "Trucks" were "Frucks". Except sometimes the "r" was hard to make out. **Gasp!** "Did that little angel just drop the "F-bomb"!?!?!" Ethan says the same thing: he yells "Big Fruck" proudly when the trash man goes by. My daughter now has one of her own: kitty.

"Shitty"

Now Kellan is perfectly capable of saying "Kitty", but every now and then we have a slip up, "Shitty". I panic at the fact that we only have a 50/50 chance of of being socially appropriate. I try desperately not to discuss feline matters while shopping at our local Target.

New rule: No talking about Cocoa the Kitty in public, period.

Kellan's "shitty", Cocoa (Or "Dooooooh-Dooooooh!")

Ok I forgot about my blogspot again. Nothing much going on anyway. Oh, I got a new driveway. Yup that's about it. I'd post a picture, but no one actually cares. Maybe I'll write about Kellan's first international boat trip later this week. Yeah, check then.

**8-14-08**
Okay I'm posting a picture of Kellan's artwork regardless of whether it's boring or not. Here is proof that she will forever have a place in the history of this house. Well at least until a future owner decides they need new cement too...