"I'm A Big Girl Now!"

I had to post this. Yesterday morning Kellan was off playing in "brudder's" room when all went quiet. I knew that little stinker had to be playing in her brother's diaper drawer again. She loves to pull out like 50 diapers at a time to take care of her baby dolls. I had just cleaned up his room and was dreading the mess I would find. To my utter shock, she had been diapering her baby. Apparently she had been paying way too much attention to me when changing Colin's diapers because this is what I found:

Oh, wait for it.....

Almost there......

Ta Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

She successfully diapered her baby. Well enough to where I would let her try on brother any day. I can't believe how much she has grown up in the last few weeks. Just before I left for the hospital she could barely say "Dino". By the time I got back she came up to me and said "Dinosaur Mommy". In just two days she has fallen in love with The Jungle Book movie. I feel like in my short hospital stay she aged 5 years and grew 10 feet....

My son is now 5 days old now and you'd think I'd finally make a post already, right? Shesh, I am a bad Mom. While both kids are sleeping I will keep ya'll updated to the latest. Just call me Perez.

I had my son on Wednesday, July 22 at 3:24 p.m. All was normal that morning as usual, no signs of labor. I had taken Kellan to her art class and come home with the overwhelming feeling that I needed to speak to my OB. I got a call back from her at 10:30 and it was decided I was going in to be induced. "Can you be there by noon?" Uh............................ sure? Holy crap, she gave me an hour and a half to prepare! As I started frantically packing the last few little items I needed, she called me back. Baby is not in the right position and a C-section was needed. I got tot he hospital at noon to start my preop process. I was scared out of my mind. Not only did I not anticipate this, but I had no time to emotionally prepare myself. Giving birth to my daughter was so easy it was a joke. I just figured the same would happen with my son. Boy, was I wrong....

At 3:24 my son was delivered. Up until this point I was an emotional wreck. Laying on the table waiting for them to pull him out I was exhausted. I was so disappointed. I felt like I had failed myself, rather my body had failed me. I felt like I had given up too easy and being in that room wasn't supposed to be happening to me.

For the last 5 months I haven't been able to bond to my fetus like I thought I should. My entire pregnancy was an emotional roller coaster. I felt horrible about it, but always kept my mouth shut. I truly was worried about loving my son enough when he came. I wasn't sure how he was going to turn out. Until I heard him cry.... I cried so hard I steamed up my oxygen mask. I was overwhelmed with joy and relief. He was finally out. When the nurse brought him around for me to catch a quick glance I couldn't see his face. His body was perfect, but I didn't know what he looked like. I remember telling them over and over and no one hearing me. The next ten minutes went by like 10 hours. I just wanted to know how big he was and if he had Downs. That's all I wanted to know and I felt like they were taking their sweet time. I finally was able to see my son. He was beautiful with his golden blond hair. Absolutely beautiful. I am thankful to say I'm already ridiculously attached. He's perfect in every way. And he's mine.

"He's My Beautiful Little Coli-flower"

Colin Douglas Knapp
July 22, 2009
3:24 p.m.
7 pounds, 9 ounces
21 inches

I will add more later, super tired. First night being a Mom of two..... :)



Big sister Kellan is in love!

A Letter To My Son

Dear Colin,

First off, Mommy loves you. She can't wait to see you. Literally, she CAN'T wait.

Second: With the rising cost of living and pressure on my knees, I am forced to start charging you a late fee on your rent for every day you are overdue.

I hope you understand someday son.

Love,
Mommy


P.S. Stop being such a thumb sucking baby. You're worrying your father. Seriously, stop sucking your thumb and do some soccer kicks boy!

There You Have It, I've Lost My Damn Mind

Alert: Nesting has begun.

The fact that a gum wrapper was left right next to the package and not placed in the garbage made me a holy terror this morning. I can't tell you how hard my blood pumped just in seeing that. I could have ripped my hair straight out of my head. I had just spent the last 24 hours on my hands and knees cleaning and organizing. My back is killing me and I'm convinced it's going to break in two.

Although common sense would tell most people to pick up after themselves, I realize my reaction was a bit overboard. I had been a ball of anxiety the day and night before, forcing myself to nest. "The faster I nest, the faster I can relax. As soon as I relax, he will pop out." Then it dawned on me at about noon today: "Um, sweety, you are nesting. You're a total basket case and no one wants to hear you boo-hoo about how you need to remember to pack maxi pads for the hospital or the world will end."

There is no way in hell I can start labor. I'm way too busy creating the world's largest diamond at the moment. It's ok, it's almost over. How do I know so? I'll make you a list...

How I know the end is near:

I am totally irrational and bat shit. Just do as I say and you live
I have thoughts of shaving the cat to rid him of all his allergenic fur
I have thoughts of drop kicking the dog into the next county if he makes a peep
I am having crazy nightmares that scare me well after I'm awake
I have to have everything perfect all at once
My fingers might fall off from scrubbing
My ankles are cankles
I can't see my toes.

But don't worry. My linen closet has been cleaned out and organized and all the sheet sets organized by bed size.