Yesterday Steve and I saw the OB specialist and I can happily report that all looks well! It was amazing to see Colin with such a powerful ultrasound. I was so fascinated that I couldn't keep my eyes off the little TV. They checked all the markers over and didn't see anything that pointed toward Down Syndrome. (They checked his nasal bone, brain cavities, the thickness of the skin behind the neck, fingers, heart, and kidneys). Since we opted out of an amnio, we only have an 80% reassurance that he'll be fine, but that's more than enough for me. At this point we've done all the safe things we can do and that's that. I can't wait to scan the ultrasound photos tonight to post. The tech got some more great pictures. He has my father's family's big feet like his big sister :). He likes to grab at his toes and play with his feet like Kellan does too, still to this day. Oh, and he's a huge thumb sucker!!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
"Amy, er Emily, no Angel, ALLISON!"
Last week we found out we were having a baby boy. We announced that we had decided on a name: Colin Douglas. For all of you out there who have mispronounced, objected, and stumbled: this one's for you...
Kellan (Kel-Lynn): First born to us. Female. Pronounced Kel-Lynn. It's like Hellen, but with a K. The name Kellan comes from the Gaelic origin. In Gaelic the meaning of the name Kellan is slender; fair.
Colin (Col-Lynn): Second being born to us. Male. Pronounced Col-Lynn. The name Colin comes from the French origin. In French the meaning of the name Colin is a variant of Nicholas, which means 'people's victory', from a French diminutive. Famous Colin's include: Colin Farrell, Colin Firth. Not to be mistaken with Colin Powell. That is pronounced Cole-Lynn. It's correct spelling is Colon. His mother must have been an idiot. A mean one at that. We are not naming our child after a body part that extracts salt from poop.
No we aren't changing it. Yes, it's similar to Kellan and I'm sure we'll mess it up. My mother called me both of my sisters' names and our dog's name until she got it right when disciplining me. Yes I hated it, but that's too bad. Last time I checked no one else was squeezing this watermelon from their lemon hole. Kellan and Colin it is.
Kellan (Kel-Lynn): First born to us. Female. Pronounced Kel-Lynn. It's like Hellen, but with a K. The name Kellan comes from the Gaelic origin. In Gaelic the meaning of the name Kellan is slender; fair.
Colin (Col-Lynn): Second being born to us. Male. Pronounced Col-Lynn. The name Colin comes from the French origin. In French the meaning of the name Colin is a variant of Nicholas, which means 'people's victory', from a French diminutive. Famous Colin's include: Colin Farrell, Colin Firth. Not to be mistaken with Colin Powell. That is pronounced Cole-Lynn. It's correct spelling is Colon. His mother must have been an idiot. A mean one at that. We are not naming our child after a body part that extracts salt from poop.
No we aren't changing it. Yes, it's similar to Kellan and I'm sure we'll mess it up. My mother called me both of my sisters' names and our dog's name until she got it right when disciplining me. Yes I hated it, but that's too bad. Last time I checked no one else was squeezing this watermelon from their lemon hole. Kellan and Colin it is.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Since I'm trying to get better about posting more updates. So, I thought I'd post a milestone from this morning. Kellan climbed out of her crib for the first time, opened her door, and came running into Mommy and Daddy's room at the butt crack of dawn. My child is now officially into a "big girl" bed. Just one more step further to not make her my little baby princess anymore....
Friday, February 20, 2009
I'm heading down to Ohio very shortly to spend a lovely day with my sister being social again. Before I left I wanted to make sure to give everyone who emailed and left me messages a big "Thank You". I did read them. I did actually really appreciate them. Many of you lifted my spirits higher than you can imagine. I have great family and friends. You guys rock out. Once again thank you.
Love to all,
Me
Love to all,
Me
Thursday, February 19, 2009
"Peek-A-Boo Sweetheart, Mommy sees You..."
Today is a wonderful day to breathe a breath of relief! I got to see my baby again and all looks wonderful and healthy. No markers were spotted for Down Syndrome. Baby is growing right on target, right down to the day. It looks as if crisis averted. Whew.
This week has been utter hell for me. I have had to find strength in me I thought I'd never have to look for. I thought my life was changed forever. The more I thought about things and the more time I took the easier it sank in. By the time I had gone to my appointment today I had coped. I knew I'd be at peace with it. I knew no matter what I was going to love this baby to death, just like I do my daughter. In fact, I found it quite humbling. I felt like I had grown into a bigger person already.
Instead we got news that everything looked fine. We still have to meet with a specialist just to confirm it and officially be able to stay with my regular OB, but I feel that I can already settle down. So, you're wondering what we saw aren't you? Today's your lucky day, it's legs uncrossed just in time...
It wouldn't be fair to end this post without telling you the most memorable thought left to us after this appointment. It seems that both my kids loved to give signs to their parents while trying to get a crotch shot. Kellan rolled over and gave us the finger. Apparently, it wasn't proper to go looking for a ladies' best kept secret. We had to go back a week later just to make sure she really was a girl. Colin uncrossed his legs and gave us the thumbs up, giving the ultrasound tech the perfect tripod photo. He must have been giving his dad the ok to brag to all the "big boys" at work. I'm told it's a guy thing.
P.S. I'm sure Steve would want this to be pointed out: Not only did we get a perfect crotch shot, but the photo looks like an actual tripod. The tech laughed and said that's the most perfect tripod she had ever seen in all the years on the job. All 3 "legs" equal out perfectly. It's hilarious. I can't add that picture though. I don't want to go to jail.
This week has been utter hell for me. I have had to find strength in me I thought I'd never have to look for. I thought my life was changed forever. The more I thought about things and the more time I took the easier it sank in. By the time I had gone to my appointment today I had coped. I knew I'd be at peace with it. I knew no matter what I was going to love this baby to death, just like I do my daughter. In fact, I found it quite humbling. I felt like I had grown into a bigger person already.
Instead we got news that everything looked fine. We still have to meet with a specialist just to confirm it and officially be able to stay with my regular OB, but I feel that I can already settle down. So, you're wondering what we saw aren't you? Today's your lucky day, it's legs uncrossed just in time...
He's a healthy, beautiful, big ol' baby boy. He's my son, Colin. Colin Douglas.
It wouldn't be fair to end this post without telling you the most memorable thought left to us after this appointment. It seems that both my kids loved to give signs to their parents while trying to get a crotch shot. Kellan rolled over and gave us the finger. Apparently, it wasn't proper to go looking for a ladies' best kept secret. We had to go back a week later just to make sure she really was a girl. Colin uncrossed his legs and gave us the thumbs up, giving the ultrasound tech the perfect tripod photo. He must have been giving his dad the ok to brag to all the "big boys" at work. I'm told it's a guy thing.
Love,
Allison, Steve, Kellan, and Colin
P.S. I'm sure Steve would want this to be pointed out: Not only did we get a perfect crotch shot, but the photo looks like an actual tripod. The tech laughed and said that's the most perfect tripod she had ever seen in all the years on the job. All 3 "legs" equal out perfectly. It's hilarious. I can't add that picture though. I don't want to go to jail.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
A Follow-Up
I am offering an explanation to my recent post. It isn't going to be easy, but I owe something to those I've shut out. Here it goes:
On Monday, February 9th, I went into see my OB with the overwhelming feeling that something was wrong. I had felt that way all weekend. Instead of driving myself crazy I just went and made an appointment. All seemed well and the heartbeat was strong. They also decided to take some blood.
I can't explain to you how hard my world came crashing down in one phone call. My heart sank and I wanted to throw up. I remember my doctor continuing to talk but I wasn't even hearing her. I hung up the phone and bawled. I bawled and bawled and bawled. I know I've never cried that hard in my life. I'm just not a crier. I bawled until I was numb. I was days away from finding out the sex of my baby and I was filled with excitement to go shopping. The thought of something like this hadn't even crossed my mind. It blinded sided me and smacked me in the face so hard I couldn't think straight. I remember her calling back. I knew she felt horrible. She had made me an appointment with a specialist. She was also telling me to think about the options of getting an amniocentesis and the risks of doing so and if I would want to ever consider abortion. She wanted me to be prepared for these questions from my genetics counselor.
I dropped to my knees with my head in my hands. I could barely breathe. I had wanted this baby, any baby so badly it hurt. I was almost half way through this pregnancy and the thought of just giving up killed me. I've never felt so hopeless and without control in my entire life. How could she ask me such a thing?!? But I understood at the same time. I'm not an idiot, I studied Down Syndrome. I knew what I was up against.
So I apologize to everyone for shutting down. If I could say that I've ever come close to a complete breakdown, I would say that now would be the time. I haven't wanted to answer the phone or any other medium of communication because when you're pregnant it always goes something like this: "how's the baby doing?" or "how are you feeling today?". I didn't want to break down crying every time the phone rang. "How am I feeling? I feel like shit. Like I don't want to bury my child in less than 30 years, thank you."
I've been a wreck and I've been hiding. I've barely told anybody because I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk babies. And I don't want mindless chit chat either. I want to lay on my couch with my daughter and suck my thumb. I need some time to myself to think. I need some time to sort myself out. I'm sorry if my previous post wasn't good enough for you. If this one isn't either than I have nothing for you.
On Monday, February 9th, I went into see my OB with the overwhelming feeling that something was wrong. I had felt that way all weekend. Instead of driving myself crazy I just went and made an appointment. All seemed well and the heartbeat was strong. They also decided to take some blood.
My Down Syndrome test came back positive.
I can't explain to you how hard my world came crashing down in one phone call. My heart sank and I wanted to throw up. I remember my doctor continuing to talk but I wasn't even hearing her. I hung up the phone and bawled. I bawled and bawled and bawled. I know I've never cried that hard in my life. I'm just not a crier. I bawled until I was numb. I was days away from finding out the sex of my baby and I was filled with excitement to go shopping. The thought of something like this hadn't even crossed my mind. It blinded sided me and smacked me in the face so hard I couldn't think straight. I remember her calling back. I knew she felt horrible. She had made me an appointment with a specialist. She was also telling me to think about the options of getting an amniocentesis and the risks of doing so and if I would want to ever consider abortion. She wanted me to be prepared for these questions from my genetics counselor.
Abortion.
I dropped to my knees with my head in my hands. I could barely breathe. I had wanted this baby, any baby so badly it hurt. I was almost half way through this pregnancy and the thought of just giving up killed me. I've never felt so hopeless and without control in my entire life. How could she ask me such a thing?!? But I understood at the same time. I'm not an idiot, I studied Down Syndrome. I knew what I was up against.
So I apologize to everyone for shutting down. If I could say that I've ever come close to a complete breakdown, I would say that now would be the time. I haven't wanted to answer the phone or any other medium of communication because when you're pregnant it always goes something like this: "how's the baby doing?" or "how are you feeling today?". I didn't want to break down crying every time the phone rang. "How am I feeling? I feel like shit. Like I don't want to bury my child in less than 30 years, thank you."
I've been a wreck and I've been hiding. I've barely told anybody because I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk babies. And I don't want mindless chit chat either. I want to lay on my couch with my daughter and suck my thumb. I need some time to myself to think. I need some time to sort myself out. I'm sorry if my previous post wasn't good enough for you. If this one isn't either than I have nothing for you.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
To Whom It May Concern:
You're right, I am ignoring you. I'm ignoring everyone; friends, family, and in some ways even my spouse. Please stop texting me, calling me, emailing me, Facebooking me, and Myspacing me over and over and over and over and over and over and OVER and OVER and OVER again. I'm not going to answer.
In general: things aren't running so smoothly over here and I'm not handling it well, at all. This is how I deal with things. I hide until I come to terms. It's worked for 25 years so it's not going to change anytime soon. You'll know when I'm ready to be social again. For now please don't pester, write stupid texts, demand answers to unimportant, useless questions, or tell me how I can help you. I can't help any of you.
P.S. No, stopping by to "talk about it" won't work either. I will go ape shit if you do. I won't even tell those closest to me, so I sure as hell ain't going to explain it 50,000 times to everyone else.
P.P.S.. This is an open letter to ALL.
P.P.P.S. No, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm finally being frank. Subtlety has gotten me no where and gained me 4392843028 more messages of pestering.
P.P.P.P.S. No, you won't understand. I promise you.
In general: things aren't running so smoothly over here and I'm not handling it well, at all. This is how I deal with things. I hide until I come to terms. It's worked for 25 years so it's not going to change anytime soon. You'll know when I'm ready to be social again. For now please don't pester, write stupid texts, demand answers to unimportant, useless questions, or tell me how I can help you. I can't help any of you.
Thank you.
P.S. No, stopping by to "talk about it" won't work either. I will go ape shit if you do. I won't even tell those closest to me, so I sure as hell ain't going to explain it 50,000 times to everyone else.
P.P.S.. This is an open letter to ALL.
P.P.P.S. No, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm finally being frank. Subtlety has gotten me no where and gained me 4392843028 more messages of pestering.
P.P.P.P.S. No, you won't understand. I promise you.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
"Elmo, where are youuuuu? ELMOOOOOOOOO!"
"Sunny day sweepin' the clouds away. On my way to where the air is sweet! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street!?!"
Sesame Street Live was GREAT. The show itself was fun and Kellan really got into the songs and seeing Elmo himself on stage, but the perks were even BETTER!
As I'm sure most of you had heard (because the excitement and anticipation were KILLING me)Kellan's Nana Wieclaw had gotten her tickets to see Elmo Live and be part of a "Meet and Greet" before the show. I was SO pumped for Kellan to meet Elmo. I knew it would be her dreams come true. We also had very good seats. Second row from stage, but all the way to left stage, so I was a little worried she wouldn't get to see some of the show. Boy was I WRONG...
We got to the Fox Theater (which is still just as incredible as I remember as a child) an hour early for Kellan to see Elmo. Much to our disappointment there was an error on Ticketmaster.com and the "Meet and Greet" was only on the west coast. I WAS PISSED. I can't tell you how mad and irritated I was. Add pregnant and that was my blood pressure. Apparently at some point in time our usher (whom I had asked for information from) talked to the Assistant Manager of the building about it. During intermission she felt so bad that she brought Kellan all sorts of free items from the souvenir stand. One item was a stuffed Zoe, and Kellan clung to that the entire show, then ride home, and all night long. She woke up with it still in her paws. It was soooo nice of her to do that. Especially since I haven't explained the best part of the night yet...
Kellan met Elmo. Twice. She. went. NUTS! She had a smile plastered on her face the whole show like she had just met Jesus. That's not the only character she met. She met Roxie Marie, Cookie Monster, Zoe, Abby Cadabby, The Count, Prairie Dawn, Telly, and Rosita. Apparently we had THE best seats in the house. Literally. Since we were over to the side that's where the characters would come down and dance and interact with whichever child was sitting there. And since the first row only had like four seats long, their row had ended so Kellan was RIGHT there. It was AWESOME. I can hardly find words to describe how proud and happy I was for Kellan to experience that. I was beaming. That was better than ANY "Meet and Greet" they could have offered. They were supposedly only going to let you take one picture with one character of their choice to come out. Kellan got many pictures with multiple characters. One character in particular, and the first character to approach her, was Roxie Marie. Kellan was a little (super) shy and slightly freaked. After that she calmed right down and would wait for them to return. This character made it a point to come straight to Kellan and invite her to come hug her every time she came there after. It was so sweet. I wish I could have taped it all or brought everyone with us. It was perfect.
"Roxie Marie"
"Telly"
"Prairie Dawn"
"Zoe"
"Cookie Monster"
"The End"
As I'm sure most of you had heard (because the excitement and anticipation were KILLING me)Kellan's Nana Wieclaw had gotten her tickets to see Elmo Live and be part of a "Meet and Greet" before the show. I was SO pumped for Kellan to meet Elmo. I knew it would be her dreams come true. We also had very good seats. Second row from stage, but all the way to left stage, so I was a little worried she wouldn't get to see some of the show. Boy was I WRONG...
We got to the Fox Theater (which is still just as incredible as I remember as a child) an hour early for Kellan to see Elmo. Much to our disappointment there was an error on Ticketmaster.com and the "Meet and Greet" was only on the west coast. I WAS PISSED. I can't tell you how mad and irritated I was. Add pregnant and that was my blood pressure. Apparently at some point in time our usher (whom I had asked for information from) talked to the Assistant Manager of the building about it. During intermission she felt so bad that she brought Kellan all sorts of free items from the souvenir stand. One item was a stuffed Zoe, and Kellan clung to that the entire show, then ride home, and all night long. She woke up with it still in her paws. It was soooo nice of her to do that. Especially since I haven't explained the best part of the night yet...
"Roxie Marie"
"Telly"
"Prairie Dawn"
"Zoe"
"Cookie Monster"
"The End"Saturday, February 14, 2009
Kellan's First Haircut
Friday, February 13th, 2008
After months of saying I was finally going to get Kellan's hair cut for the first time and then backing out like a coward, we finally went and got it done. A girl's got to look her best for Elmo!
In celebration of taking her to see "Elmo Live!", Kellan finally got a much needed trim. I was so scared that all her wonderful little baby curls would be gone. I was sick to my stomach on the drive there. Thankfully, we were given a wonderful woman who knew all about curly hair and did a great job with it. Kellan apparently really does have naturally wavy hair. I'm so proud! But where the "h" did that come from!?!?!? My whole family has pin straight hair. It has to be from her father. The man needs some credit somewhere, right?
I have a curly headed baby :) *beams*
P.S. Yes, Kellan did cry like crazy in the beginning, but she eventually calmed right down. I'd love to show you, but Daddy didn't get THOSE pictures...
After months of saying I was finally going to get Kellan's hair cut for the first time and then backing out like a coward, we finally went and got it done. A girl's got to look her best for Elmo!
In celebration of taking her to see "Elmo Live!", Kellan finally got a much needed trim. I was so scared that all her wonderful little baby curls would be gone. I was sick to my stomach on the drive there. Thankfully, we were given a wonderful woman who knew all about curly hair and did a great job with it. Kellan apparently really does have naturally wavy hair. I'm so proud! But where the "h" did that come from!?!?!? My whole family has pin straight hair. It has to be from her father. The man needs some credit somewhere, right?
I have a curly headed baby :) *beams*
P.S. Yes, Kellan did cry like crazy in the beginning, but she eventually calmed right down. I'd love to show you, but Daddy didn't get THOSE pictures...
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