I'm going to be a Mom again!

You heard me correctly; I'm going to be a Mom again. I can't tell you how excited I am. For a few months now I have had the urge to have another child. To be completely honest I was doubting the fact that I would ever be pregnant again. Feeling this way Steve and I started to seriously research international adoption. This is something I have wanted to do with much passion since the age of 15. I was pretty excited that we had started some of the hurdles of this adventure.

On November 29th I took a test knowing I was a bit late. I am pregnant. Two blue lines of joy.

Since that day I've been a nervous wreck. I told Steve to buy some cheapo tests thinking it will go as it always does, one blue line and the fun stops there. I'm not totally convinced it was right. "What if I pointed it downward too far?" "What if it was longer than 5 seconds (use your imagination here people)?" I know these ideas seem totally neurotic, but I seriously am second guessing those cheap CVS bargain no name tests.

So today I took another one, the second bargain in the box. Even though I won't be posting thisthe day I wrote it - on the 2nd (since we haven't told Steve's family yet), I'm still needed to write about it. Again I got that second blue line, but this time it wasn't quite as blue right away. When talking to my sister, she had told me that when she had her miscarriages her test stripes were faint blue. I totally just panicked. For some reason this time around I am a nervous wreck. I was never this anxious and worried with Kellan. I am mentally pacing, waiting until I am far enough to hear a heartbeat and see a kidney bean. This month is going to be an extra hard one. I can't wait for Christmas, but don't want the stress of it. I don't want it to end because my daughter will turn another year older. And I want it to speed the hell up so I can book it to my OB like the hormonal, whacked out, crazed pregnant woman I am.

By the way, when I walked back into the bathroom the line was a little true bluer.