Twenty Two Years And Another Generation Later

It's been twenty two years to the day since my paternal Grandmother has passed away. Each year my father's family attends a Catholic mass at my Grandfather's church to pay their respects to her. It's kind of a big deal for us. This year? Both my kids woke up with pink eye this morning. I wasn't able to go.

The thought of staying home really made me sad. Even though I was only four when she died I seem to have put my Grandmother on a pedestal long ago. At 26, I think that pedestal is as high as the heavens. When I was 14 I legally added her name, Arlene, as my middle name (I was born without one). When I had my first child, a girl, it only seemed appropriate to pass that along. Her middle name is my Grandmother's middle name, Elaine. My father, myself, and my daughter look a lot like her. Even though I am closer to my mother's side of the family, I tend to identify myself a lot with her. It's a big reason why I dread December 15th of every year.

I couldn't stay home. I packed my goobery kids up in the car and headed to the cemetery. On the way there we stopped and picked out three red roses from each of us so we didn't go empty handed. I was excited to take Kellan there. It's only been lately that she's understood what Grandma's and Grandpa's are and their place in our family. I have a photo of my Grandmother hanging in the family room and she knows that's her Grandma "Busia" Arlene. I was proud to take her there and show her, even though I knew it would be over her head.

After Kellan picked out the flowers I was putting the kids back in the car when Kellan says "Almost there. Going to Grandma Arlene's house". I explained to Kellan that her Grandma had passed away and that we're going to visit her grave. When we got there I put the flowers on her stone and cleaned it up a bit before we left. As we were about to drive away I hear Kellan in the back "Goodbye Grandma Arlene. I love you. Merry Christmas." and blew her a kiss. I just about died in the front seat. I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut just before and elephant danced on my chest. It took everything I had to smile and not start crying. At that moment it hit hard that my Grandma will never meet my children, and my children will never meet their Great Grandma that I cherish. Driving away I would have given just about anything in the world for Kellan to have 5 minutes to meet her.

Merry Christmas Grandma

September 18th, 1921 - December 15th, 1987

"Welcome to the Neighborhood"

Hey Folks,

I'm just jotting down a quick post to let everyone know that I have explanded my blogging skills (or lack there of) onto another URL. You can also find me at the following: "A Blunder of Acute Perspicuity". This site won't include little wonderful tidbits like "Colin poopied on his onsie" and "Kellan poopied on the potty!" (which she did, by the way! Yay Kellan! Mommy is so proud.....)  I'm still working on my first real post. I can't promise anything smart will come of it, but I figure "eh, what the hell..."

"Someone Just Make It Stop!"

As of today, my son is now 3 months and 15 days old. For 3 months and 15 days I have frantically tried to find the cure for Colic. I might as well try to find the cure for cancer while I'm at it....

What is Colic? Oh my friend, let me spell it out for you. Colic is the uncontrollable crying in a baby. It's the uncontrollable crying in MY baby. Sure, he coo's and smiles. Every now and then I get lucky and hear a giggle. But brace yourself, don't be fooled. There's a crying jag somewhere in the near future....

Don't read me wrong, I love my son. But there is something about constant screaming that brings out the true beauty in a woman. Sometimes I remind myself of the stereotypical woman you see in the comics all lookin' like fug with nothing on but a pink matted robe, hair curlers, and an "I'm An Early Riser" coffee mug in hand for that special ray of sunshine. It makes me want to chuck a rubber mallet at my bathroom mirror at about 8:30 in the morning.

I can't count how many times I have been asked how I deal with it or how to stop it. Apparently Ms. Optimism hasn't got a clue of what Colic really is. Or better yet, she doesn't have children. I don't have a cure, but I've at least found a few things to keep a piece of my sanity.

• Swings: Better yet, swings with obnoxious sounds and dangling doo-dads. If you use this option make sure to by stock in rechargable batteries. You'll end up spending your retirement on size "C" batteries. It might be worth it.
• Bouncy Seats: Specifically the ones that vibrate. If you're lucky it might lull your tater tot to sleep. Once again, this item is an energy sucker. See above about batteries.
• Gripe Water and Mylicon: Holy water.
  
• "Snuggies": I don't know what they're really called, but I'm talking about those little blanket things with animal heads on them for your kids to form a comfort attachment to. Colin loves his. He snuggles the crap out of it and chews on the giraffe head. It buys me about 15 minutes of quiet and saves me a few gray hairs.
• Singing: Colin loves it when I sing about anything and everything. I sing about the dopiest things. If anyone where to catch me I'm sure I'd have my IQ tested. I got tired of "The Wheels on the Bus" long ago.

Figuring out the quirks in your child isn't easy. At 3 weeks old, I took Colin to my pediatrician looking for answers. She told me he suffered from Acid Reflux and put him on medication to help. Result? I ran straight to my local drugstore and filled that prescription faster than a Jack Rabbit on speed. Within weeks I took him off. Nothing seemed to help. I remember being on a mini vacation with my mother to "get away" and he screamed for 5 hours straight instead. By 10 o'clock that night we both were at our wits end. I could hear my mom quietly praying in the corner to make it stop. Even though I am not a religious person what so ever, it worked. I passed out minutes later so I wouldn't break down crying in relief.

I'm not sure how much this helps an indivudual looking for answers, but everything is worth at least a try when you're too tired to function in society. Just remember how much you love your children and at some point they will grow out of it. My best advice would be to do anything to find a happy place. Stick it out. And of course, find comfort in chocolate during the quiet moments.

A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words

Disney On Ice: 100 Years of Magic

,


Yet another wonderful Disney adventure came upon us! We took the kids (okay, Kellan) to see Disney on Ice this year. I had been wanting to go to for years. YEARS I tell you... So, back in March I decided I was going to finally buy tickets. If you are mulling this over in your head and it's not adding up, I'll make it easy on you: uh, yeah, I bought tickets for a show in October back in March. Why? Partly because I'm impulsive and neurotic, you're right. But you know what? We got first row. Bite me.

I LOVED the show. Not only am I a total Disney sucker, but I love me some live shows. I don't care if it's the Nutcracker Ballet or the Ringling Brothers Circus and the arena smells of elephant dung, I like 'em. And I like 'em close.

Kellan was able to see her favorite Princess, Cinderella, along with another Disney character love, Stitch. That alone was well worth it to her. I got to see Ariel, and Eric made her do this cool flippy thing that made her swim like a mermaid. Don't ask me to explain it, I'm not well educated in the technicalities of figure skating.

The songs were great. "It's a Small World" was amazing. In all truth I am somewhat bias. I love "It's a Small World." The song reminds me of my many trips to Disneyland. It's tradition to ride this wonderfully outdated (even after it's recent renovations) yet simply charming ride right as the park is closing, when all others are viewing the parade and you get a few quiet moments in the night. It made me miss California terribly for those few minutes....

Okay, back to the blog. Show was great. Yada yada yada. Kellan met Mickey again, along with Pumba, Simba, Nala, Rafikki, Stitch, and some Russian chick from IASW. Oh, and she drank a really huge Cherry Coke. Okay, I helped her.

"Nothing Runs Like A Deere"

I am so proud of Colin. He has proved over the weekend that, indeed, he is all boy!

It's tradition to take my kids out on the "toys" and show them the property for their first trips to my Grandfather's farm. I find it important for them to have the chance to connect to this beautiful place that I have fallen in love with over the years. With my Grandpa turning 90 next week and with his health declining, I know I've got to get it in while I can.

One of my Grandpa's favorite pass times out there is to sit atop the smaller John Deere tractor and use it as his personal golf cart all over the property. He acts like a small boy, eager to check every little spot of land over to make sure it's all running smoothly. Before his back surgery in July, he'd be on that thing for hours.


So you can imagine my delight when I discovered Colin's contentment on that thing. During a crying jag, I'd hop up in the seat and turn on the engine. From that moment on he'd quiet right down with his eyes wide open, taking in all the colorful blobs he could see. I'd ride him around in circles showing him the trees until his eyes would get heavy. The tractor is better than any bouncy seat or swing you could register for! So, I've decided I need one here at my house.

I'm just glad those things have such a tight turning radius. The backyard isn't very big....

It's The Ups That Bring You Back From The Downs

Colin has been smiling at me all morning. Of course every time I try to capture this miracle I am seconds behind the wonder. As if that weren't the biggest highlight of my morning... he gave me a quick chuckle! It's the cutest thing I have ever heard come out of him (and I have heard plenty come out of him..)! It was wonderful. It makes all the crying jags sound like birds chirping on a bright summer morning. I can only hope that from this day forward they visit me more frequently. I love that sound already :)


And a fairy is born.

What Do You Get When....

You cross a Monkey and a munchkin?

Answer: A great photo op!

Oh My Poor, Sweet Coli-flower....

Sorry son, but Mom let you take one for the team. Sissy felt like "burting" you that night...

One Month Old Already!

Oh... Colin Douglas.... where do I start!?!? Your first month has been full of up and downs with you child. My sweet little baby boy has suffered so from acid reflux and has made his little life kind of rough lately. Between his crying jags, Kellan's indefinite need for attention, toddler tantrums, trying to keep up a house, and keeping up organization Mom has had no time to think. Or shave her legs. Ew.

He has the best Sissy ever. Kellan always makes sure to stay alert on binky duty if he starts to cry and never leaves the doctor alone with him. You never know what she might do if you turn your back on her.... She also is very in tune with his "burting". Babies always need to "burt" when they are done eating. You do so by smackin' their back. Just in case you were wondering....

As of today he is now 9 pounds and 9.5 ounces and 22 and something inches long (up from his 7 pounds 9 ounces and 21 inches at birth. So I forgot his exact length today. Sue me.)

Now that he's on medication for his reflux he finally seems a little happier. I got to see him smile for the first time this week! It's those moments that get you through the crying, screaming, puking, pooping, wetting through outfits onto your skin, barely gives you time to shower let alone put on make up, sour milk smelling times that sometimes make you a little worn thin. I know I only have two, but when one is miserable it isn't as easy as you think. Adult time? Forget it. Alone time? You can really throw that out the door! Plucking your eyebrows? I may be making a new fashion statement, BUT.....

I love my little guy so much. I am truly in love with this little booger.

"I'm A Big Girl Now!"

I had to post this. Yesterday morning Kellan was off playing in "brudder's" room when all went quiet. I knew that little stinker had to be playing in her brother's diaper drawer again. She loves to pull out like 50 diapers at a time to take care of her baby dolls. I had just cleaned up his room and was dreading the mess I would find. To my utter shock, she had been diapering her baby. Apparently she had been paying way too much attention to me when changing Colin's diapers because this is what I found:

Oh, wait for it.....

Almost there......

Ta Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

She successfully diapered her baby. Well enough to where I would let her try on brother any day. I can't believe how much she has grown up in the last few weeks. Just before I left for the hospital she could barely say "Dino". By the time I got back she came up to me and said "Dinosaur Mommy". In just two days she has fallen in love with The Jungle Book movie. I feel like in my short hospital stay she aged 5 years and grew 10 feet....

My son is now 5 days old now and you'd think I'd finally make a post already, right? Shesh, I am a bad Mom. While both kids are sleeping I will keep ya'll updated to the latest. Just call me Perez.

I had my son on Wednesday, July 22 at 3:24 p.m. All was normal that morning as usual, no signs of labor. I had taken Kellan to her art class and come home with the overwhelming feeling that I needed to speak to my OB. I got a call back from her at 10:30 and it was decided I was going in to be induced. "Can you be there by noon?" Uh............................ sure? Holy crap, she gave me an hour and a half to prepare! As I started frantically packing the last few little items I needed, she called me back. Baby is not in the right position and a C-section was needed. I got tot he hospital at noon to start my preop process. I was scared out of my mind. Not only did I not anticipate this, but I had no time to emotionally prepare myself. Giving birth to my daughter was so easy it was a joke. I just figured the same would happen with my son. Boy, was I wrong....

At 3:24 my son was delivered. Up until this point I was an emotional wreck. Laying on the table waiting for them to pull him out I was exhausted. I was so disappointed. I felt like I had failed myself, rather my body had failed me. I felt like I had given up too easy and being in that room wasn't supposed to be happening to me.

For the last 5 months I haven't been able to bond to my fetus like I thought I should. My entire pregnancy was an emotional roller coaster. I felt horrible about it, but always kept my mouth shut. I truly was worried about loving my son enough when he came. I wasn't sure how he was going to turn out. Until I heard him cry.... I cried so hard I steamed up my oxygen mask. I was overwhelmed with joy and relief. He was finally out. When the nurse brought him around for me to catch a quick glance I couldn't see his face. His body was perfect, but I didn't know what he looked like. I remember telling them over and over and no one hearing me. The next ten minutes went by like 10 hours. I just wanted to know how big he was and if he had Downs. That's all I wanted to know and I felt like they were taking their sweet time. I finally was able to see my son. He was beautiful with his golden blond hair. Absolutely beautiful. I am thankful to say I'm already ridiculously attached. He's perfect in every way. And he's mine.

"He's My Beautiful Little Coli-flower"

Colin Douglas Knapp
July 22, 2009
3:24 p.m.
7 pounds, 9 ounces
21 inches

I will add more later, super tired. First night being a Mom of two..... :)



Big sister Kellan is in love!

A Letter To My Son

Dear Colin,

First off, Mommy loves you. She can't wait to see you. Literally, she CAN'T wait.

Second: With the rising cost of living and pressure on my knees, I am forced to start charging you a late fee on your rent for every day you are overdue.

I hope you understand someday son.

Love,
Mommy


P.S. Stop being such a thumb sucking baby. You're worrying your father. Seriously, stop sucking your thumb and do some soccer kicks boy!

There You Have It, I've Lost My Damn Mind

Alert: Nesting has begun.

The fact that a gum wrapper was left right next to the package and not placed in the garbage made me a holy terror this morning. I can't tell you how hard my blood pumped just in seeing that. I could have ripped my hair straight out of my head. I had just spent the last 24 hours on my hands and knees cleaning and organizing. My back is killing me and I'm convinced it's going to break in two.

Although common sense would tell most people to pick up after themselves, I realize my reaction was a bit overboard. I had been a ball of anxiety the day and night before, forcing myself to nest. "The faster I nest, the faster I can relax. As soon as I relax, he will pop out." Then it dawned on me at about noon today: "Um, sweety, you are nesting. You're a total basket case and no one wants to hear you boo-hoo about how you need to remember to pack maxi pads for the hospital or the world will end."

There is no way in hell I can start labor. I'm way too busy creating the world's largest diamond at the moment. It's ok, it's almost over. How do I know so? I'll make you a list...

How I know the end is near:

I am totally irrational and bat shit. Just do as I say and you live
I have thoughts of shaving the cat to rid him of all his allergenic fur
I have thoughts of drop kicking the dog into the next county if he makes a peep
I am having crazy nightmares that scare me well after I'm awake
I have to have everything perfect all at once
My fingers might fall off from scrubbing
My ankles are cankles
I can't see my toes.

But don't worry. My linen closet has been cleaned out and organized and all the sheet sets organized by bed size.

Baby Update!

For the first time in 35.4 weeks, I got a decent view of Baby Colin! I was absolutely clear walking into the ultrasound room that I must see my child's face. My first ultrasound was at only 9 weeks, and kidney beans don't have features. The next was at 17 weeks and he hid his face. My last one was with a specialist and they could give a crap who he looks like. I needed to see my little Prince.

He looks a lot like his big sister, my beautiful little Kellan :)

As of now he's about 6 pounds, give or take 7 ounces. He's right on target with his length and in the 68% percentile in weight. Although we all know that OB predictions are a load of crap, he does seem to be slightly smaller then Kellan. Whew....

When is he coming? No one is sure, obviously. But the last two nights have been painful with an end result of Twinkle Toes head down and tickling my rib cage. He's jammed waaaay down there, so it's only going to be about two weeks. My placenta is a grade three, so I get NST's twice a week now (not following? Google it punk). Holy hell, I have no nursery still.... Off to clean the bassinett!


P.S. I hope celebrating the Fourth of July downriver doesn't blow chunks.

Happy 2 1/2 years my beautiful Goldilocks. Mommy love you!

I Give Up On Hollywood!

According to new reports, Lil' Wayne will be fathering two new sons by different women this year!

Singer Nivea Hamilton and model Lauren London are said to be pregnant by the fool rapper.

Wayne is rumored to be marrying Nivea in the next few months but plans to participate in raising the baby with Lauren as well.

Lil' already ha s two kids from a previous relationship.

Just so ya'll know, no one on the corner got "Swagger" like Weezy.

P.S. I have to be honest here though. From the shoulders to the knees, he's ROCKIN'. I can't be totally surprised. I mean, with a great chest and abs, you dramatically increase your odds of "makin' babies". For instance: while watching the movie "Hostage" with Bruce Willis yesterday..... do you think I was thinking about his awesome acting skills? Hell no! I was in La La Land with scenes of him in uniform and in underwear. Come on people, give me a break here! You all know what I'm talking about...

Dear God in Heaven,

I am thankful for two things today:
1. Letting my little pumpkin grow ten feet taller this calendar year.
2. Instilling in me a whole new set of neurotic worries as if I wasn't a neurotic enough mom already.

Dear God in Heaven,
Please protect my precious first born that I guard with my life as she enters adulthood. From the moment she was born I have seen flashes of her getting on the school bus on her first day of school, seeing her off on her first date, and watching her drive away to a friends house the first day she gets her license. It's the latter of these three that stops my heart from beating. It is widely known amongst my family that at least one female from every generation has a natural affinity for colliding with large detached dwellings that cost large amounts of money to replace. We are also known to do things such as eat, apply make up, chatter, text, read, and even sleep behind the wheel causing many near death experiences.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Kellan has a long way until she can reach her little wormy toes to the pedal behind a steering wheel. Instead she is hitting wonderful milestones such as this: (see below)

Until now......

Barbie Beach cruiser: Ages 4+. Why? Height requirement estimates this age and up to be able to reach the pedal.

Oh dear God....

I love you my Sweet Pea.

Time For Some Cousin Lovin'

Yesterday my sister Emily came up for the day to just plain hang out. How often do we get a chance to do that? Answer: not often enough. It was a blast. The kids had fun playing up a storm and Kellan crashed hard by the end of the day. Even though there is not a whole lot more to tell, I still wanted to post a couple of pictures from the day to share....

Baby Maddie after getting her snack on on the drive up.
Weapon of choice? Inside out Oreo cookie. Score.

Ben makin' the moves on my little girl ;)

Gotcha!

Grandmother's Pearls

One of the few things that I have hoarded and saved over the years are a set of fake plastic pearls with the matching bracelet that was given to me by my grandma Arlene not too long before she passed. I was 4. For 21 years I have kept them jammed in the back of a jewelry tower. They've been moved to college and back. I've cherished them being that they are only one of a few things I was ever given of hers. I adore my grandmother and my memories of her, and now, they've survived my first child.

I am so comforted by the fact that Kellan has taken interest in these. Although I admit I get a little anxious every time she stumbles or breathes while wearing them, I'm delighted. I promised myself that as soon as she understood the importance of these items and could be gentle and take care of them that I'd pass them down to her. Although she's not quite at that stage yet, I know I can let go long enough for her to play dress up in them for awhile (of course, while supervised!). She looks so pretty with her golden locks and her pearls. Even though it isn't easy getting a photo op with photographer Kellan anymore, I was able to grab a couple pictures to brag about before she snatched the camera :)

Finally, It's Done!

This year, I did the unthinkable and demanded that we get a swing set of our own. Yes, an over sized object meant for the enjoyment of young ones that has to be placed upon the perfection that is our grassy backyard. I knew this subject matter would bring anxiety and diarrhea to the men folk of this house, but I wasn't keen on haulin' ass to the park every time Princess Kellan wanted to go for a swing. I'm getting too fat for that crap.

For those of you who have had their head stuck in an ostrich hole for the last 30 weeks, I'm due in late July. For those of you not native to Michigan, that's the hottest, most humid part of the summer. I dread it when I'm not gestating. By the time I even got there I'd be drenched in sweat and ready for a nap. I'd rather have my finger nails pulled out with pliers.

So, we bought a swing set. I was delusional to be dreaming of the neighborhood kids swinging away while the adults chatted and BBQ'd within hours of the purchase. This monstrosity took almost 4 weeks to complete. Not only should I have made sure each of the 6, count it 6 boxes of pieces made it here, I should have kidnapped and enslaved an employee to put it together for us. Hell no would I EVER want to do this again. If I move I will strap that puppy atop my Flex (ok, I got a Flex! That's a whole other post there my friends...) and drag that S.O.B. with me.

(Yes, Cocoa plays on it too. That's part of being one of the dogs, right? Play with man's best friend....)

Becoming a Big Bruit: Video #3

Here is the first time Kellan crawled. I'm having a bit of a "Rabbits Lay Eggs" morning today, so I have nothing clever or sentimental to add yet. Maybe I'll come back later and edit when my brain works better. Enjoy!

September 11, 2007 (8 months)

"What I've got you've got to give it to your daughter"

I can't tell what's funnier: Kellan starting to figure out how to shake what her Mama gave her, or Bella thinking "Oh hell no... I'm out" when she starts. Either way, my baby rocks out! :)

Circa October 2007 (9 months)

Kellan says "See Mom, a boy!"

Lil' Weezy says: "Happy Friday"

I need a new hobby....

Vintage Kellan

Even though no news can be considered good news, no blogging activity can be just plain boring. For now on, every time I lack a post I will share a little something small from the past...

It's a small clip, but it's so cute. It's the first time Kellan had just enough hair for her to use it in a pony tail. It doesn't look like much now, but I was sooooooooooooo excited then!

Do Rabbits Lay Eggs?

No stupid, they don't. They're mammals. Mammals have babies. I should have KNOWN that....


If this baby makes me any dumber I won't be able to function.

My Favorite Place on Earth: Happy Earth Day

Today is Earth Day. I wouldn't have remembered if a fellow blogger had not written about it. In celebration of this fine day, she posted a blog about her favorite place on Earth. As I sat down and thought about where my favorite place on Earth would be, I remembered a conversation I had had earlier this morning. I was disappointed that my spring overhaul trip to the Farm had been canceled due to "maintenance issues" (meaning workmen had not finished a project in time, which equals one UNHAPPY camper...)

The Farm is my favorite place on Earth.


Let me recap. "The Farm" is my Grandfather's second home about two and a half hours north of me. Some find it to be nothing special at all with it's green shag carpeting and it's 70's decor, but I love it. It's how my Grandmother left it. Deep down I know it gives my Grandfather a level of comfort. It gives me a little comfort too. That doesn't mean that I don't have big dreams and ideas for it the moment I walk in the door.... but ultimately there is something about this place that is peaceful and humbling to me. I have found that in all the places in the world that I've been to, sitting under the willow trees by the pond is my favorite spot to sit in.


I find that I'm at my happiest tooling around the acres of property finding projects to keep me busy, not paying attention to time or schedules. Nothing else matters...


I love that when I'm up there, no one else is. We're alone with no one else around...



And I am so happy being able to take my kids there and pass on the love and excitement that this home has given me for many years to come....

Happy Earth Day.

Such Guilt...

I went to bed feeling kind of bad that I have now posted two posts with my child running free and looking like I don't brush her hair. Honestly, I do! I swear! The kid has hair that is not tamable. Unless I insist that she sits still and lets me do something with it, all would assume I had a love child with Albert Einstein. So, in all fairness I'm going to post pictures of Kellan from Easter. She's all clean and pretty with her hair all did up. :)

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em

Spending the entire morning celebrating "National Trenton Garage Sale Day": check

Letting your child run around like a rag-a-muffin all day when it's warm: check

Finding your little one dressed in only a diaper and plastic Princess Cinderella dress up shoes: priceless

And you thought you were having a bad hair day....

My mother thought these were priceless: